The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
