His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
