When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
