Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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