dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dignity is for republicans.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
