I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I love you. Go after that dick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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