I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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