Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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