Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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