I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
