Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
