I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
