her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
