I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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