You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
