Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
