Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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