those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
