So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
