One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
