we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
