I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
40s are totally the cure
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
