I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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