Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
