Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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