My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
