i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
