the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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