have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
