My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
