i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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