I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
