well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
