Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
