wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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