I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
