dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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