yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
