we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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