youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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