i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
