You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
