Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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