he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
soo... how was my night?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
