We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
