I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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