she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
