lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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