Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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