I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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