I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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