Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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