So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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