he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
