Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was born a porn star she said
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
