I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
