Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
