That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
