so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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