It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
