I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
