Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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