all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
