If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The uberlube is also flammable
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
