His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
