Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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