I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
