Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
