Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
