How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
