Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
