You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
