He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
