If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
