I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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