apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
