nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
