Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
