we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
