True but thats because hes a fetus.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
