hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers