I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.