Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM