am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just cut my nipple shaving
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.