My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
