No, drunk sperm still make babies.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach