So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
