I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
