I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
