Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
