Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
