eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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